also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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