im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
