drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is classic penis vs brain.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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