ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
