she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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