I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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