I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
