I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
