He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
