I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
