i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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