Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize