census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
