I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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