If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
