Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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