my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
