So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
