I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
