Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize