His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
