Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
