He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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