The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
