Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
