Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize