my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
