Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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