So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
