they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
