He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
