Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love having hate sex.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
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