Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
