I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
