Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
