you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
