the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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