she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I cut my penus on the lid.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
