he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
