I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
