I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
