he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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