The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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