I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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