dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
