this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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