i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
