I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
