Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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