i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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