are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
