Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
