Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
