you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize