We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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