We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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