I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
