I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's get the cat blown out
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
