Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
