he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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