I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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