He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
