We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
