I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
