i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
