I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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