I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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