well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
