dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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