Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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