i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize