that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
